Do you have a favourite among your children?

[arunima25]

Well, being a mother, I can say from my personal experience that it would not be possible. I have two daughters and I love them both equally. But there have been moments of sibling rivalry where each one of them have accused me to be partial and favouring one over the other. " You love her more and favour her more"- I have heard this from both at various times. And I think it's very natural. I have accused my mom of that and so has my brother. But now that both of us are grown up and parents ourselves, we think how silly it was. And now we are getting the same from our children. Lol!
Share your experience. If you are not a parent, you can share your childhood experiences or even ones from other children in your family like your nephew and nieces.

 

[eLdavis]

I don't have kids yet, but when I do I don't think I would want to have a favorite kid. It's best I treat all of them equally so they would all feel loved.

 

[Kingpin]

Mother's and father's cannot have a favorite although they may call 1 as favorite to motivate the other to work hard and do well.

 

[arunima25]

Mother's and father's cannot have a favorite although they may call 1 as favorite to motivate the other to work hard and do well.

And I haven't done that any time, not in direct way ever. Not a single instance where I have compared them or created any competition. But despite that they both would come up with such statements. Now that they are grown up, it has stopped. I guess that it's even natural to do so to get the attention. And young children would find those tricks to get our attention.

 

[Sanjeev]

No, between my two kids, I don't have anyone favorite, though I like my daughter because she is hardworking and a clam person, whereas my son talks a lot and sometimes he is irritating, but most of the time he is lovable.

 

[Kingpin]

And I haven't done that any time, not in direct way ever. Not a single instance where I have compared them or created any competition. But despite that they both would come up with such statements. Now that they are grown up, it has stopped. I guess that it's even natural to do so to get the attention. And young children would find those tricks to get our attention.

That's good. Comparing them is not good but I see parents do compare if not with their own other children then with neighbour's children

 

[arunima25]

That's good. Comparing them is not good but I see parents do compare if not with their own other children then with neighbour's children

I have never done that. I have tried to avoid it consciously. I don't want them to develop a low self esteem, feeling of worthlessnes and jealousy for others. I have always appreciated them and even other children..I keep repeating that you are no less than others or no superior than others. You have to stay humble and keep working to be a better version of yourself.

 

[Ginger]

I am not married so I don't have any such thing or experience and my mom never did that and equally loves me and my siblings

 

[arunima25]

I am not married so I don't have any such thing or experience and my mom never did that and equally loves me and my siblings

Good that you never felt that way with your mother. Even my mother is like that. Now my brother and I feel that she loved us equally. But when we were young and had siblings fights, we accused her for being biased. And now our children are doing the same to us. Lol! Now, as a parent we know that it's not possible to choose a favourite. You love them equally.

 

[Ginger]

Good that you never felt that way with your mother. Even my mother is like that. Now my brother and I feel that she loved us equally. But when we were young and had siblings fights, we accused her for being biased. And now our children are doing the same to us. Lol! Now, as a parent we know that it's not possible to choose a favourite. You love them equally.

Haha yeah those fights were endless and we used to blame her for loving the other sibling more but deep inside we knew she equally loves us

 

[King Belieal]

I don't have a child yet. But I have heard countless people say that people should love all their children equally. But I don't even know how that would be possible for me to achieve because I always tend to have favourites amongst my siblings, friends and colleagues.

 

[Ginger]

I guess its possible for a mother to live her kids equally but fathers do like to have their favorite but not in all cases like my father do love all his kids equally

 

[arunima25]

I don't have a child yet. But I have heard countless people say that people should love all their children equally. But I don't even know how that would be possible for me to achieve because I always tend to have favourites amongst my siblings, friends and colleagues.

I felt the same way till I became the mother. One can't describe in words how it feels to be a parent. It's a very unique kind of love and bonding that one feels and it can't be compared to any thing in this world. It's actually a very selfless kind and you get the greatest joy from it. And you feel it for all the children that you have.

 

[Ginger]

I see people also compare their kids and this is so wrong and can have serious problems for a child who is quite emotional

 

[Kingpin]

I have never done that. I have tried to avoid it consciously. I don't want them to develop a low self esteem, feeling of worthlessnes and jealousy for others. I have always appreciated them and even other children..I keep repeating that you are no less than others or no superior than others. You have to stay humble and keep working to be a better version of yourself.

Its not good to compare but this is the only medium to make kids improve and if you don't compare then it's difficult to explain to kids to get better

 

[eLdavis]

Having a favorite and the other kids are aware of this can have a negative effect most times. Instead of being motivated, it might lead to anger or jealousy amongst themselves.

 

[arunima25]

Its not good to compare but this is the only medium to make kids improve and if you don't compare then it's difficult to explain to kids to get better

I have always consciously tried to keep myself away from any rewards, punishment or comparison. I am Montessori trained adult and have been a strong follower of Waldorf method of education and parenting in my professional and personal life. I have just tried to be a good role model to them, be the loving authority and also to give a good environment. The inner motivation is needed for real learning.

 

[Kingpin]

I have always consciously tried to keep myself away from any rewards, punishment or comparison. I am Montessori trained adult and have been a strong follower of Waldorf method of education and parenting in my professional and personal life. I have just tried to be a good role model to them, be the loving authority and also to give a good environment. The inner motivation is needed for real learning.

This must have helped you to not try the age old things used by parents from years to keep their kids in check.

 

[arunima25]

This must have helped you to not try the age old things used by parents from years to keep their kids in check.

I was brought up by my mom and grandparents in a very nurturing environment. A very simple environment with simple meals and few toys. But we were brought up to be independent and confident. We never felt any pressure and comparison. I see how that has helped with my emotional health and a well nurtured self esteem.

 

[Stardom22]

My opinion about this particular topic is that, most people have it wrong for loving some children more than others. Let me say this that is very wrong as parents create enemity among the children which is not a good thing at all.